Mother’s Day can be a beautiful day of flower bouquets and picnics with family while at the same time there are few days in the calendar that rival Mother’s Day for bringing up our wounds. I find it poignant that the day has its origins with a woman, Anna Jarvis, who held a small memorial service for her own mother in 1907. There were no brunches that year, simply a woman alone with her loss.
Mother is the original relationship. In the grand scale, it is the origin of everything, the whole universe emanating from Her matrix. For our personal stories, we emerge from an individual woman that ushers us into this plane. No matter what our relationship is with our mothers, or what our relationships are with our children if we are mothers ourselves, it runs so deep.
She is holding the creation together, and in a sense our relationship with Her is what holds us together. There is such a deep longing for that embrace, that depth of love, that sense that “everything is going to be okay.”
I am writing as a person who lost her mother at a young age. And as a mother myself, I have also lost children before they were born. So much of my personal story has been shaped by the rawness of the Mother relationship.
What it’s been for me is a journey of walking through the portal of those wounds to find the Divine Mother on the other side. What I realized is that it was always Her, whatever love I felt from my mother, or all I’ve felt for my children, it’s always been Her.
I see Her everywhere. I see Her at the playground, the nannies all laughing together, I have to double-take as if I can see a flickering between their divine forms and their outward appearance. I see Her in the bird who’s taken up residence with her eggs in our yard. I see Her when people stand up for children they will never see on the other side of the world who are hurting.
She is not just out there, she is in us. If we have lost our own mother, or if our mother is alive yet absent, or if we long to become mothers, or have lost those who would have called us “mother,” it can feel like that Mother place in our hearts in an ache that stretches to the very source of our being.
And it does, but at the very source of our being is Her. And she is already running through us all the time. It is not simply the act of birth that makes us mothers. Mother is not just an entity, but also an action. She is Mothering. Any time we feel that urge to nurture, love and protect, that is Her moving in.
I have spent many dark nights sitting with that ache, turning into the pain. Swimming down. The ache fills every cell. And a small miracle happens. The ache transmutes into an embrace. To find Her is to become Her and to become Her means to feel it all.
It's all so much, and it’s all so beautiful.
Jai Maa
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